I have been blogging really erratically lately and it’s been five days since my last blog post (!!). I’m not sure if it’s because things are getting boring, or if I’ve really been too busy with other things. Maybe I don’t have anything to write about that people will find interesting, but I’ve had people tell me that I write about the most random things and they’re still interesting.
I haven’t returned comments for a month, and I’ve yet to catch up on how everyone is doing. Since last Friday I’ve been around, but I’m doing something that I haven’t done for five years: get enough sleep. I am not joking. For the past few days I’ve been sleeping for ten hours and napping in the afternoon, and it is so rejuvenating. They say lack of sleep stunts your growth and I think that is probably why I’ve been the same height for years. Well, fuck it, I’m 20 years old and I doubt I’m going to grow anymore. There are so many disadvantages to lack of sleep, though, like being stressed out. I found a grey hair yesterday.
On the weekend I watched Interstella 5555 and Pan’s Labyrinth. I hated the latter. Well, didn’t really hate… but I didn’t enjoy it. James suggested I watch it because he believed it to be a beautiful movie. It is nicely done, but there were just bits in it that I completely cringed at. I don’t like the sight of blood, and there was a bit of it in Pan’s Labyrinth. For at least forty minutes straight my hand was covering half my face because I just didn’t know what to expect or when something might pop out of the screen. It was a good film, but I was frightened of walking around after watching it.
I don’t do very well with films. I was looking at a list of 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die, and I counted a total of 37 that I had already seen. That isn’t all that much, and some of those movies I didn’t even like. At all. I really hate watching movies and it was while watching Pan’s Labyrinth that the full extent of my short attention span and lack of patience got the better of me. After twenty minutes I couldn’t even stand watching and though I was staring at the screen with the sound on, I couldn’t pay attention. I really dislike watching movies. I think I will try and watch some more this month, at least ones that I’ve heard are good, because I don’t like wasting time watching movies that aren’t good.
On Tuesday I went to the city and my mum took me shopping. I hate shoe shopping. I like what it results in – a nice new pair of shoes – but I hate it. I hate sitting down on the chair, taking off my current shoes and trying on pair after pair until I find one that fits comfortably. I am usually pretty amazed when I find something that fits, because I have the most deformed tiny feet. I also have a problem with my feet because they don’t line up with my knees. When I line up my knees, my left foot sticks out to the side and it’s not straight like it should be.
It is always very hard to find shoes for me also because my toes are large in comparison (probably from doing ballet for so many years) and nearly every shoe I try on does not like my toes. But, despite all of that, I found three pairs of shoes that day – a nice pair of ankle-high heeled boots, a pair of black shiny flats (which are beyond comfortable ) and another pair of heeled shoes, which are more practical, and I dare say safer to walk in and more suitable for work interviews and such.
I also had to buy a 35mm SLR film camera for my photography classes. My dad didn’t have any so I had to go and look for some online. With the help of Mike (who knows a lot about cameras), James (buying) and Rachel (paying some with some money she owed me ), I was finally able to find a good one online. It’s a second-hand Canon EOS 300 from Ebay, but should be in good condition. James is picking it up tomorrow for me. I’m a little excited to get my hands on it. I think my parents are probably going to kill me when I want to buy a proper DSLR later on.
I’ve been working on a song I’m writing, titled A Star, written about my cousin after she passed away. I think that when I get it recorded I’ll sell it on iTunes for 99 cents or something. It won’t be much, just me singing and playing guitar, but I’m pretty proud of what I’ve done with it.
Also, another milestone: I am letting go of woodnotes.org, and I should only have 11 domains by the time that domain expires. This reminds me of when I used to have 20 or so… which was insane. Anyway, I know I have to get around to reading some blogs and cleaning out some more website things.
I know some people who have written letters for themselves to open at a later date – such as a letter to open when they turn 18, or 25, or even 60. (Maybe.) I’ve never written a letter for myself to open in future. It never crossed my mind.
What I do remember is a time when I was eleven years old (in 2001), and as a class assignment, we had to write a personal diary entry from the year 2015, and include what life would be like and where we would be. I don’t have the diary entry anymore, but my memory serves me well, and I remember writing that I was engaged to be married. I also wrote that I was studying – what I was studying, I don’t recall, but something tells me that at that point in time I wanted to be a psychologist or a psychiatrist.
Times have changed of course, and I’m far from there. Back then, I wasn’t so “into” websites, but hey, little did I know it would become a big hobby of mine.
I like thinking about the future, but I don’t really want to write a letter for the future. I wish I could tell my younger self the littlest of things. This post was inspired by a trending topic on Twitter; #tweetyour16yearoldself. I don’t regret many things from my past. I did have a dark past, but I would not want to change things drastically.
I would have told myself to get over my ex-boyfriend. It took me over a year to get over him. I don’t know why I clung to him when he embarrassed and hurt me. I shouldn’t have kept hanging on. It was the first time I’d been dumped. I don’t think many people like remembering the first time they were dumped. Obviously, it hurt, and I was so delusional that I thought I could get him back. I wish I could have told myself to be as strong as I am now and just let freaking go. It was like pulling an endless rope, the rope forming a large pile at my feet the more I pulled.
I would have told myself, “Keep dancing”. I shouldn’t have quit. I should have kept going. I should have lived my passion for dance then, as much as I do now. I shouldn’t have given ballet a break at all. I know I’ve come far now but I feel like I would have had a little more passion.
I wish I’d been more keen with music. Instead of playing the piano – I should have picked up the saxophone when my teacher suggested it. I wish I could have told myself to get my drumsticks and use them, because now I can’t really play drums as well as I could have if I’d been more adventurous at school. I should have looked at my dad’s records earlier, and stopped judging metal music before I even listened to it. (Yes, I did it… and I fucking love metal music now.)
I’m really glad where I am in university. I know that maybe I should have put a little more effort into my schoolwork – maybe I’d be studying fashion design instead? Maybe I would have done so much better and my parents would be even prouder of me.
I should definitely have been nicer to my parents. I don’t show them that I love them. I am so close to them, and I know them so well, but I wish I could have prevented the family drama. If I had tried, I wouldn’t have bothered my parents so much. I should have been more helpful, more grateful, more thankful.
But every time I think about what I could tell myself and even the little things I could change, I remember that I’m happy with how life is now. Despite the stress, the problems I’ve gone through and the problems I am encountering now, I love where I am… and I can smile about it. In all honesty, I don’t want to change a thing.
I had a bad day to begin with. I woke up with a stomach ache and made my way to the bathroom where I was for some time. I skipped breakfast. There was no way I could get ready for university in fifteen minutes with breakfast.
It’s nasty, I know. Almost as bad as my (slowly dying) habit of drinking coffee every morning. But I couldn’t afford to wolf down even a cup of soup. The worry in it is that I will be too full and the food won’t have settled – then when it comes to brushing my teeth, I’m in big trouble. No one wants to brush their teeth when they’ve just eaten; it could make you sick.
I made hot coffee in a thermos. I took the risk, then packed my bag in a hurry. I felt alright being on an empty stomach, and I planned to buy McDonald’s when I got to university.
It was raining outside. My dad dropped me and Brandon off at the station and I struggled with my bags. Ugh. I usually carry a backpack with my laptop, but I carried an extra small bag so I wouldn’t have to fumble through my backpack for money or my earphones. (And so later James could give me the external hard drive he bought for me. )
On the train, I had to stand up because there were no free seats. I couldn’t sit on the steps either; they were freshly watered from wet shoes.
I stood in the middle of the train and started to read Beyond the Shadows again. I’ve got just over a hundred pages left now, and I’m dying to finish it. Reading some on the train was difficult, but I’d played classical music on my iPhone, so it got me in the mood.
Halfway through the ride, my legs started hurting a lot. I saw this elderly couple with luggage rise from their seats. It was obvious they were going to get off, but the station was still minutes away. I just knew I’d grab one of the vacant seats as soon as they were gone.
Closer to the station, the man said to me, “excuse me”, as it was obvious he was making his way to the door. I shifted over as much as I could, but there was someone else in my way and it took him a bit of time to shuffle over too. Not even being patient, this man started rudely pushing his wheelie luggage against my legs, thereby hindering me from really moving at all.
It was a struggle getting my umbrella to walk the distance to university. The wireless rejected my laptop many times, and I had to restart it in order to connect. That really angered me and was such a waste of time.
Later, I found that I had also done the wrong readings for class. I was pretty angry at myself after I had made notes on them too. I’ll have to catch up on them tomorrow.
What made my day infinitely brighter – my friends, and getting to see James again and just spending time together.
And this evening I got a lovely email in my inbox – Wendy is adopting the fanlisting for Ballet out to me. The fanlisting has been a “wishlister” of mine, and ballet means a lot to me (a story for another day, or a story you already know).
I went to James’s house today. It was a really cold day. I thought I’d remembered everything when I walked out the door of my house. When I was waiting for him to pick me up at the station, though, I remembered… I remembered that I forgot something.
I didn’t bring my digital camera. I know I have a camera on my iPhone but I like being able to use a proper camera because naturally, the quality is so much better, and I really like how the photos turn out compared to photos from a phone.
It was a stray pair of green gloves that someone just left on the ground. Poor gloves. Some poor person was also suffering with cold hands.
Anyway. We bought some groceries because we planned to make savoury muffins. It’s been a while since I’ve made muffins, since I’m not much of a cook. The last time I made them was in school when I was about thirteen years old. They were so delicious and from that day, I preferred savoury muffins to sweet ones.
Since we hadn’t had a proper breakfast, we had eggs. James tried to fry them but they didn’t turn out right. We ended up having scrambled eggs.
We did laundry. James apologised for it, except I didn’t see it as much of a problem. I was already grateful that we were spending time together after not seeing each other in so long. James is probably the only person who makes chores fun. Most of the time at home, chores get really lame. Don’t tell anyone that.
Our muffins turned out to be spectacular. We used mushrooms, ham, cheese, celery, and onion. Some of the ingredients we just chose on a whim. We didn’t even think of celery until the end, when we realised it was going to be super weird not having any green vegetables. And we randomly decided to put some raw salmon into some of the muffins, and we topped all the muffins with cheese.
When they came out of the oven and we tried them, they were soooooo delicious. The ones with salmon had a really interesting taste. All the muffins were delicious!
It was very fun making the muffins. I’m going to post more photos on my photoblog soon, so watch out for that.
James got me my ballet exam certificate yesterday. The one I had been waiting seven months for. Since last December when I took the exam. I feel really proud because I got Honours, the highest grade possible. For my last ballet exam too, I am so glad. And I owe James for picking it up for me.
I’m feeling really exhausted, I haven’t really gotten around to comments yet. Sorry.
I’m a dancer, and I’ve done dancing for many years, even though I stopped and quit. I do still like doing it for fun. Ballet, tap, jazz – the lot.
In Australia, primary school goes up to grade six, at which point you’d be about 12 years old, before going to high school – years 7 to 12. When it came to partner dancing in primary school, we were all ten years old. Come on. Everyone thought that everyone had “cooties”. It was ridiculous.
Obviously they were assessing us on gross motor skills, making sure we could do simple things like follow instructions and move in a certain way. In this case, dancing involved teaching us combinations of steps to help our coordination as well, at least while we were young.
Let me go with every girl’s first life lesson: boys are idiots. Okay, don’t get me wrong, when you’re all grown up they really are much less of idiots, but I’m talking about when you’re young. When you’re in kindergarten you’re all cute and hang out together, and you tend to talk more and hang out more with the opposite gender when you’re a young teenager, but there’s a gap in between where girls and boys don’t really seem to like each other.
That’s the worst time to learn partner dancing at all.
When we did partner dancing, the way I saw it was that all the girls were patient and just obeyed the teachers, holding the boys’ hands when instructed. The boys would be really rude, holding their noses away from the girls, pretending that they stunk. When the teacher walked by and made everyone hold hands, each guy would look at the girl he was dancing with before quickly glancing away. One boy would loosen his grip on a girl’s hands as the teacher turned his back, holding them by the tips of his fingers as if she were diseased. Another would simply let go of the girl’s hands, rubbing them violently on the sides of his pants as if to say, “your hands are just gross, ewww”, leaving the poor girl with her hands limp in front of her.
After one dance was finished, a boy would raise his hand and ask for the teacher’s permission to go to the toilet, to which several other boys followed suit before the teacher would yell at them to come back. Then a bunch of them would exit the toilet, blatantly shaking their hands free of water.
The girls would always be quiet. Maybe discreetly wipe their hand on the side of their dress after a dance because their partner had sweaty palms. Maybe think about washing their hands afterward. Maybe smile inside when they got to hold the hands of the boy they liked.
Maybe feel heartbroken inside when their love interest scoffed at them.
When I was eleven years old, the boy I liked had told me, “You smell like a cat, Georgina”. It hurt. It didn’t help that we were on our way to church (I went to Catholic school for some time) and I ended up being wedged between him and a boy I used to like, both of them telling me that I smelled like a cat.
Needless to say, I lost interest in that boy quickly…
Despite that, chivalry is not dead. Talk to my guy friends. That is, after they open the door for you, greet you, shake your hand and say hello. Perhaps every girl has nightmares about stupid guys… but it makes the respectful ones a lot more admirable.
) and another pair of heeled shoes, which are more practical, and I dare say safer to walk in and more suitable for work interviews and such. 
It’s a second-hand Canon EOS 300 from Ebay, but should be in good condition. James is picking it up tomorrow for me. I’m a little excited to get my hands on it. I think my parents are probably going to kill me when I want to buy a proper DSLR later on. 
This reminds me of when I used to have 20 or so… which was insane. Anyway, I know I have to get around to reading some blogs and cleaning out some more website things. 
The last time I made them was in school when I was about thirteen years old. They were so delicious and from that day, I preferred savoury muffins to sweet ones.
The ones with salmon had a really interesting taste. All the muffins were delicious! 
I’m going to post more photos on my 