I have often cried from happiness, which I understand that not many people can do, or have experienced. I’ve had a couple of people find it strange and wonder how it feels, and I find it exceptionally hard to describe. I’m sure most people know what it’s like when you cry of sadness, so here is my attempt at writing about it in comparison.
It feels so, so overwhelming. I’ve never been drunk, but perhaps there could be some kind of connection with the feelings experienced. It feels overwhelming to the point where I can’t really breathe or feel anything and I can’t move. I sort of lose control of my body. Every time this has happened I’ve actually been alone, so I haven’t had the feeling of someone patting my back and making me feel “better” – or in this case, since I’m “happy crying”, just sort of calm me down.
I don’t make a sound when I cry of happiness, which I think is what happens in most cases. When I hear men on the radio propose to their girlfriends, there is often silence from their end as the radio host exclaims, “She’s crying! You’re shocked, are you alright?” That silence is there, alright. I don’t remember the first time I cried of happiness but it was a couple of years ago. I had known that when crying from sadness, often you can sob, or wail, but when you cry of happiness you don’t really make a sound. At least – I haven’t, but I’m sure it’ll be the same for other people.
If you’ve ever watched a musician on stage thank their fans so much for their support, and talk about how much writing music means to them (or something along those lines) and you feel so touched that you get teary… I suppose “happy crying” is a bit like that, but to a greater degree. You don’t feel an ounce of sadness at all. The same way scenes in movies tug at your heartstrings and make you go “aww”, I suppose crying of happiness is the greater form of that.
Either way, happy crying has become part of my mood swings recently, and it frustrates me because this happens immediately after I get upset. I attempt to cheer myself up and by thinking of things that make me happy immediately after getting upset, I suppose it’s a bit like a shock to my nerves and emotions.
I suppose many people also wonder what makes me have these kinds of emotions. It’s just – it’s the little things. Doing well in something. Appreciating my family and friends. I don’t have many friends, and I appreciate them all, and I will take great care to list my close friends: James, Lilian, Seb, Mike, Dylan, Fern, Johnny, Rachel, Ryan – but in all honesty, I can’t list every single person I appreciate, yet those are some I have had some amazing times with and when I’m down, I just think about those times and they put a smile on my face.
Next week I am going to the hospital for some testing. I volunteered to take part in a depression study. I really want to be a part of something that can help people with the same problem that I have. I actually hope I won’t get put on medication because after some thought, I know I don’t like depending on medication, and knowing that I’ve gotten through a lot of things on my own or with other people’s support, I think I can go on doing it. Maybe I can talk to my study doctor about it on the day.
I also have a job interview on Friday, for a web design company. If I’m not successful in getting a job they may offer me an internship, which I believe will still be beneficial to sharpen my skills.
Also, I still haven’t received my tickets to see Australian rock band Jebediah yet. The guy who was supposed to get in touch with me never did, so the competition coordinator had to email someone else. I hope that she replies soon so I know when I can pick up tickets and such. The show is on Saturday.
Today is Wednesday – the day I had university in the evenings all of this semester. This evening I thought I had forgotten to go to university when I realised that it was all over. Am I sad? I don’t know. All I know is that I’ll miss people, like I always do.
Today I walked all the way to Camperdown again. It’s about three towns away from university, and I needed to get some photo paper. It was $160 for 50 sheets. Which amounts to about $3 per sheet. Thinking about this… it is black/white chemistry paper after all, so it’s “special”. I still think it’s funny how my mum keeps asking me if I can use the photo paper we have at home. I have to keep reminding her that that paper is for inkjet printing and not chemistry… ah, the joys of photography.
I did a lot of walking today; I’m surprised I’m not sore. I had to go to work to sign something, then go to the photo printing centre to pick up prints, then go to the photo store to buy the paper. I’m going so broke it isn’t funny – and I want to buy some shirts. I’m starting to imagine how much money I have spent on photography already.
In class today I struggled trying to print of my film photographs that looked a little like this digital photograph I took. It was hard getting the contrast and timing just right, and some parts were very white so I had to give just those sections more time under the light – it was a challenge. After giving it one try at first, I thought it looked great. My teacher didn’t think it had enough contrast. It’s times like these I really hate the fact that art is so subjective. My teacher got his red marker and drew on my print – yes, he drew on my huge, perfectly fine (in my opinion) print, indicating where I had to fix it up. It doesn’t matter what he was indicating, but I died a little inside. He could have made a note elsewhere… I still wanted to put that on my wall even if I wasn’t going to hand it in, waaaah.
Either way I did end up getting another slightly flawed print, which I’ve decided I’ll give to James because he adores that photograph.
I suppose I’m getting a bit irritated with photography because in the end what I’m getting is not really my work, but someone else’s. It’s nice to have a teacher’s guidance, but when you follow everything they tell you to do, how they tell you to print, it doesn’t make me feel so proud of my work anymore.
There is this one boy in my class who thinks that he’ll get higher marks if he follows every piece of advice the teachers give him. I dislike that mindset. He had five magnificent photographs – all in focus, interesting subjects or subject matter, and terrific printing quality – and many classmates liked them (were even jealous of them), but he didn’t like them and went by the word of the teachers. It irritated me. He couldn’t find another photograph to make a set of six, and I told him to use his instinct and what he thought would be good, then ask the teacher’s advice. He just wanted to take the teacher’s advice to shoot another roll of film. And he already has about ten rolls. It’s ridiculous that he’s just being babied along. Bloody hell, you have to be daring sometimes.
Johnny gave me a lift home this evening, and he bought me and Fern some Kinder Surprise. The toys in those chocolate eggs suck now. They’re so… boring. They used to be fun and have more pieces. I got a cute panda though, haha. We were chatting in the car before I got out and thought my mum couldn’t hear us over the music. When I went inside my mum said she could hear us talking really loudly. We realised we live pretty close to each other too. Umm… freaky.
Got a few questions – Vicky asked If you could take a year off and go travelling, where would it be?
Well, a year is a long time. I would probably take James with me and go many places. I’d want to visit you, Vicky, and Georgia Kate, and of course travel the whole of the United Kingdom; I would also want to go to America to visit Rachel and Tiffany… I know many people in many parts of America. I’d love to go to Japan as well. I would probably most like to visit New Zealand because of the nature and scenery and beautiful landscapes.
Vanessa asked Where do you see yourself and James in 10-15 yrs?Bea also asked where I see myself in ten years.
Hahaha married. No, I’m serious. I mean, we’ll be 30 years old. Hopefully in a nice house with heaps of sushi cushions and amazing furniture and my artwork on the walls. And with a dog. With a child? I don’t know, I’m not ready to think about that yet! I also hope to have a steady full-time job by then, one that I enjoy, most likely working with computers. I hope to have travelled to many places too.
Bea also asked if I was granted three wishes, what would they be?
Firstly, to have a good relationship with my mother. It’s just been on the rocks most of the time. Secondly, for everyone to truly be happy. Third – well, I wish there wasn’t any discrimination of any kind. Anywhere.
Othelie asked about my plans after studying and Trish asked about the career I’d like to pursue… I would like to find a full time job that really suits me. I’m kind of excited to work and do something I love, which as I mentioned – will be something with computers, design – not totally sure yet. I love web design a lot right now.
Stephanie asked how long I think I’ll maintain The Princess Pondicus Network – basically all of my domains! Well, I think it’ll be a while. I see myself renaming the network once I think of something better (but that’s probably not any time soon). But I still definitely see myself keeping this blog, my photoblog, and fanlistings, for a while to come. I have been cutting down on fanlistings but I believe I’ll still keep my favourites for many more years.
I was tagged… a lot… haha. First by Gail. What better time to do this tag! Just when I was willing to answer people’s questions as well. Click the link below to open up the section.
Do you like reading novels, if so, who is your favorite author?
Yes, I do. I love Bryce Courtenay and Cecelia Ahern, even though I haven’t read every single one of their books. I love their narrative style, and all their books are different even though they follow similar themes. You’d think it’s predictable, but it’s not.
Why did you come up with your latest theme?
For my annual (est. 2010!) Heartdrops.org birthday project. Last year I did “Love is…” and this year it’s “I Love”. I had to make a theme to go with it, as Heartdrops’ birthday is in October.
Do you like your name? If given a chance, will you change it?
I do. I used to hate it a lot, because of the nickname Georgie, and the association with the nursery rhyme “Georgie Porgie”. My parents have called me Georgie ever since I was born, though, and rarely call me Georgina. It really fits with the notion that your parents call you by your full name if they’re mad at you. My mum has. On occasion. And it pisses me off when any of my relatives call me it – because they should be accustomed to calling me Georgie instead of Georgina. But I wouldn’t change my name. I’m happy with it.
What is your number one favorite color and why?
Oh gosh, this is soooooo hard. It has changed so much over the years from blue, to black, to purple, to red. I guess red is where it’s at now. It is such a vibrant colour that screams “me”, and whenever I buy accessories I tend to get red. I got excited picking a red bag, a red scarf, a red phone charm…
Are you girly or boyish?
In between… I’m not girly to the point where I wear makeup (really not my thing), and I’m not boyish to the point where I don’t like skirts.
Would you choose career over love?
No, that’s selfish. If I really loved someone I would sacrifice my career for them. I know my mum sacrificed hers because she wanted to bring me and my brother up. Not many parents would do that. And if choosing your career means losing the one you love, no matter how – then I would never do it.
Ever gotten your heart broken? What did you do to recover?
Yes, once, it was really broken and not just being rejected by someone I had a crush on. It was hard, but I had to bite the bullet and move on. I had to give it time. I made the mistake of trying to coerce the relationship into existing again, because it had been rather rocky in the first place. But over time I realised it wasn’t going to work. Other things came into play, distracted me from those feelings, and I eventually forgot.
What do you think of giving second chances?
Everyone deserves them. Everyone makes mistakes.
Are you a fighter or a healer?
I’m a bloody fighter. No matter what happens, even if I get emotional, I still keep trying.
Why did you decide to blog?
I used to keep a diary and I shared that with my friends because I didn’t really mind them knowing about my life. I kept a website for some time just for pixel graphics and from that I went on to blogging and eventually opening up to everyone.
What do you think of me?
Very pretty, determined, dedicated, friendly. A wonderful combination!
I was also tagged by Jen, who asked a different set of questions.
What’s the last really nice thing you’ve done for someone?
I sort of proofread Seb’s story for him.
Do you remember the first time you met your friends?
Yeah… well most of them I met at school or at university. I have a funny story about meeting my boyfriend James – basically we were lost and he pretended to know the way back to school with a fake map. :’)
List down the things that pisses you off.
If I listed them, the list wouldn’t end. I try not to think about things that annoy me, but I do dislike bad grammar, attention seekers, people who are too dramatic, or look down on you, arrogant people, people who look for a fight.
When was the last fight or argument you had? With whom?
James and I had an argument because I took something bad for my health. Ugh James, you’d better not mention this to anyone. We argue all the time though, fix it up a few minutes later most of the time.
List down two good things that happened recently.
Oh! Too many good things happened recently – but I pretty much got recommended for the Graduate Diploma of Interactive Multimedia at my university, and I received a good grade on one of my photography assignments.
What do you feel guilty for doing?
Hurting my family. I don’t recall many things I feel very guilty about, but I feel guilty for being horrid to my mum and dad, and when I was much younger, fighting with my brother all the time.
What is your favorite quote and why?
It changes from time to time, and I could go on about quotes that mean a lot to me, but one of the ones that means the most to me is “One of the greatest illusions in life is that things will get better”. It reflects what I’ve been through in the past six or so years struggling with depression, and it helps me get through the hard times.
What was the best thing to happen to you this week?
Probably knowing that I’ll be doing the Graduate Diploma program, given I finish these last few weeks of my Bachelor degree!
What kind of person attracts you?
I don’t think I really have a type or anything, but I tend to like the dorky, quirky, quiet kind of guy.
What’s the last gift you gave to someone?
I don’t remember really! Oops.
What did you dream of last?
I don’t dream very much – if I do, they’re weird. I don’t remember now.
1. You must post these rules.
2. Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their journal.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and create eleven new questions for the people you tag to answer.
4. You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post
5. Go to their page and tell them you have tagged him/her.
6. No tag backs.
7. No stuff in the tagging section about “you are tagged if you are reading this.” You legitimately have to tag 11 people.
1. Worst thing you’ve ever eaten?
2. Name your first crush/girlfriend/boyfriend.
3. What was your worst experience with a teacher?
4. Name one thing that annoys you about the Internet.
5. Have you ever half-assed a piece of homework or assignment and done really well?
6. What is your earliest memory?
7. What is something (anything) that you like that you are embarrassed to tell people about?
8. What is your favourite sport?
9. Who is your idol and why?
10. If you had to lose one of your senses (taste, touch, hearing, seeing, smelling), which would it be?
11. Have you ever had a nosebleed?
This morning I was watching The Morning Show while I was ironing clothes. Often there isn’t anything better to do, and I kind of enjoy watching lifestyle shows that mention things I can relate to. The only thing I don’t like are the crazy infomercials which are constantly repeated. I tend to think they’re a scam most of the time.
This morning they had a segment on chronic complainers. I won’t name names, but I know a few of these. Some people might point out that I am – but I think I’m not a complainer, just an angry person. I know a lot of people online who complain very frequently. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, but it seems that they just complain, complain, complain.
In this segment it was mentioned that chronic complainers probably complained a lot as a child and were given a lot of attention. Maybe because they were the youngest, or spoiled a little, who knows. But to tell who is a chronic complainer, you have to know what they’re complaining about, and most of the time, it’s about themselves. It’s about something concerning them. Where the issue doesn’t concern them directly and concerns other people, then it is something you should sympathise with. But the idea is to empathise, but not sympathise. You should also keep advice to a minimum and give them as little attention as possible, because attention is what they want.
I’ve seen several people complain on Twitter. I’m pretty active there, so it’s hard not to notice when someone just keeps complaining ten tweets in a row in the space of an hour. Wow, you’re on a roll, but sorry honey, if you’re just complaining that you have class, that you’re late for class, that your iPod hasn’t synced, that you’re going to be late for the bus, that your browser crashed, that your TweetDeck isn’t working… how about you get off Twitter and actually fix your problems?
Another time I was in class talking to a classmate (let’s call them A). One of my other classmates (Classmate B) sat nearby, engrossed in something on their mobile phone. While I was chatting with Classmate A, Classmate B was groaning and muttering under their breath, clearly annoyed. I was trying to hard to ignore it, because I found it excruciatingly rude, as if Classmate B was desperate for us to ask what was wrong or “are you alright”. I knew the smart thing to do was to let it go and just not give Classmate B any attention. That was obviously what they wanted.
I guess I’ve been a bit of a complainer lately anyway, feeling ill and with all these digestive problems as of late. It hasn’t improved since my last post, and I actually threw up. Waaah. I’ve decided that I will pre-pack all my meals from now on and really cut down on the breads and cereals – eating primarily fruits and vegetables, and some eggs and tofu (thanks Rachel for the suggestion) to make sure I get my nutrients. The lovely Vicky helped me out as well and said that I could have coeliac’s as she had some similar symptoms, but even if I don’t, it would be a good idea to try a gluten-free diet.
Either way, I think I may visit the doctor in a week or so if my condition doesn’t get better after cutting out a few foods. I’ve been spending less time on the internet, which is good – and also getting to sleep early. It’s quite magical, really. I’ve been sleeping before midnight and for four days I’ve woken up without the help of my alarm, usually after almost exactly 8 hours of sleeping, and not felt like going back to bed.
I’m kind of looking forward to the weekend for relaxing. I want to read some books. :B
Earlier today, which was really only about five hours ago, I was talking to Rachel on Skype. We talked for a very long time, and she was doing her laundry at 1:00am (what?!). No big deal though, she woke up late, and it was a nice quiet time to do laundry. No other people doing their laundry. She got really tired and made no sense after about 4:00am. Oh no.
My sleeping patterns are honestly not as mad. I have been trying not to sleep past midnight. I eventually want to be able to wake at 6:00am without hitting snooze on my alarm and without complaint. Unfortunately, after about two years sleeping past midnight, I don’t think this will be very easy. In fact, I want to turn my sleeping schedule around completely so I can go back to loving my mornings and waking up before the sun is even up. I always say this, don’t I? Then it never happens.
That said though, when I don’t have enough sleep I go crazy. Good crazy or bad crazy, I’m not sure. But if I’m getting tired, I start getting irritated easily snap at the smallest things. I am definitely not a night owl and not a night person, and I think most people know better than to bug me when it’s late at night.
One day I got five hours of sleep, which back then was rather extreme for me, and in the morning I did the dumb thing and drank some lemonade. I was high the whole morning. I wouldn’t shut up. Speaking of never shutting up, I’ve been posting some videos to my YouTube channel… so if you want to go and do silly things like comment on my accent or watch me ramble on without using jump cuts because I never shut up, be my guest.
I’ve been around drunk people, and it’s been a bit weird. I’ll be completely honest: I am not interested in drinking at all. I’ve drunk wine, but that doesn’t count, and it was just for a tiny lame celebration. I’ve never really seen the fun in getting drunk, and obviously not getting trashed. It seems like a typical teenager thing to do. I recently turned 20, so I feel that I have to be a tad more responsible (even though age is just a number). At the same time, I’m still very much against drinking, personally, but I have nothing against people who do. I understand you want to go and have a good time, and it’s cool if you want to be drunk. I’m just going to say, it could be funny watching what you do when you are.
Now my issue – or it’s not really an issue, is it? – is that I have no desire to get drunk. My very simple reasoning is that I am hyperactive without even drinking. I went to my friend’s eighteenth birthday many years ago, and James and I were going pretty mad just being around drunk people. In the right atmosphere, I am loud and behave like a chicken with no head. I can’t even begin to think how mad I’ll get even after a few drinks.
It doesn’t scare me irrationally like other things do (my fear of staples, ugh), but I personally see no point. Please continue inviting me to all your parties with BYOB and play the loud music that you do.
I probably won’t like the music you play, but whatever. If you do play ELO and 70s disco music and have a disco ball on your ceiling, I will go mad. I love the 70s and I adore disco music, and ELO’s music instantly makes me dance. If you have some disco mood at your party, I maybe, quite possibly, probably will drink…
No, I’m just joking. Your disco ball will end up with my head in it.
Last night I went to the Avenged Sevenfold concert in Sydney (for free because I won tickets). I had a blast. It was really quite insane and intense, though. Dylan and Rachel were able to give me some tips on how to deal with the mosh and all that shit. Fuck, it was really mad.
I met Dylan before the show and he brought his friend Jessie. We went in through the glass doors a bit after everyone else because our tickets hadn’t arrived yet… oh well. We prepared ourselves before we went through the doors to the stage. I could have put my bag in the cloakroom for free, but I felt a little lost without it, so I left it on me. It was just a really small shoulder bag but I really could have gone without it, hah.
This was my first time going to a rock concert at all, so I tried to prepare myself and expect the worst. I suppose it’s fair to say I got a bit nervous. Obviously I made sure I was well hydrated and went to the toilet beforehand. I sneaked in some chocolate bars (which I ended up eating before the opening act was even on stage) and a camera. I think we were allowed to take cameras, but I was trying to hide mine from the security guy at the doors.
The opening act was a local band called Dream on Dreamer. I’d never actually heard their stuff before, but I’m always keen on listening to new music. Dylan mentioned that they probably wouldn’t be the kind of genre I’d like very much. I could feel the beat in my chest because it was really loud. They were pretty hardcore and the vocals were mostly screaming. I have to admit that it was tolerable. I kind of like death metal (to a certain extent), and their music had a kind of unique edge to it. I couldn’t quite hear, but the lead singer pointed at the keyboardist and said he was Jesus. It was a bit of a running joke throughout the night, and some guy yelled “Messiah”. The crowd got pretty insane during the intermission, before Avenged Sevenfold came on. We had to stand there for an hour and I wasn’t that close to the stage at this point. I think I made a mental note that I would try to get closer to the front.
It fucking sucks being short, because you can’t see shit at a concert. This is one of those times I wish I were tall, to be honest. I used to hate being short up until a few years ago when I took it to my advantage. The only good thing about being short and thin in this case is that you can squeeze or wedge between people… but you can’t fucking see. Dylan helped me out and pointed out where to go – where all the short heads were, so I could see over them.
When Avenged Sevenfold came out everyone started going crazy and pushing everyone forward (this completely as I expected as Dylan had warned me). I didn’t like that. I guess it wasn’t a good way to begin because despite being mentally prepared, I physically wasn’t. My shoelace already came undone and after a minute getting annoyed about it, being squished up against everyone, I decided, “fuck it”. There was no way in hell I was worrying about a shoelace. If I lost my shoe (and it nearly fell off my foot), whatever. I had tied my hair up as well but it came undone and I lost my hair tie.
Avenged opened up with their song Nightmare. It was insane, the crowd was going mad. I realised there was probably no way I was going to be able to take photos but I was enjoying the music far too much anyway. At some point I felt like I was going to puke because some guy near me really stunk (I know, I guess no one thought of wearing deodorant because it’s winter, but with all the people in there you get pretty hot). That really wasn’t pleasant at all. After some time I realised I was standing behind a girl whose hair actually smelled like she’d just washed it. Haha. Because I’m so small and skinny, I wasn’t very comfortable being squished. No one is, really, but I think I got it pretty bad because there was a point I was wedged between taller people and had to stick my head up out of the crowd to breathe normally. Ugh. For one moment, I legitimately thought I was going to die.
Fire was shot from the back of the stage for special effects. Or it could have been to make us hotter… nah, just kidding. After a few songs pretty much walking all over everyone’s feet and trying to get closer to the front and screaming and jumping to the music, I tried to take a few photos. Most came out blurry but I got pretty good photos of Zacky and Johnny. Oh and the thing about screaming… this was seriously the one time I could scream as fucking loudly as I could with no consequence. I don’t care if I deafened the guy behind me, that was totally my intention. Well, not really, but he was elbowing me and pushing me when I was already really squished to a guy on my left. I kind of spread my arms and elbows to the sides to push the people next to me so that no one behind me would roughly shove past. I know I was shoving forward too, but some people were really obnoxious about it.
Oh my god, Zacky was so cute. I probably saw him most of the time since I was more towards the left and that’s where he usually plays. Dylan carried me at one point and I got a good view of everything, but I didn’t try to take any photos then. I probably should have, but like Dylan said as he pointed to his head, “All my concert memories are in here”. Read the rest of this entry »
All I know is that I’ll miss people, like I always do.
He could have made a note elsewhere… I still wanted to put that on my wall even if I wasn’t going to hand it in, waaaah.
We realised we live pretty close to each other too. Umm… freaky.
Click the link below to open up the section.
But I wouldn’t change my name. I’m happy with it.
A wonderful combination!
Waaah. I’ve decided that I will pre-pack all my meals from now on and really cut down on the breads and cereals – eating primarily fruits and vegetables, and some eggs and tofu (thanks 
After some time I realised I was standing behind a girl whose hair actually smelled like she’d just washed it. Haha. Because I’m so small and skinny, I wasn’t very comfortable being squished. No one is, really, but I think I got it pretty bad because there was a point I was wedged between taller people and had to stick my head up out of the crowd to breathe normally. Ugh. 
I probably saw him most of the time since I was more towards the left and that’s where he usually plays. Dylan carried me at one point and I got a good view of everything, but I didn’t try to take any photos then. I probably should have, but like Dylan said as he pointed to his head, “All my concert memories are in here”.